Aya's anniversary

Well I haven't blogged in a while so there is a lot to catch you up on. There has been a lot going on from anniversaries, vacations and just trying to recover from the egg retrieval procedure. Like many, as I have been reading online, I did not expect such a long recovery time from the procedure. Bloating and cramping, and let's just say "bathroom issues" were some of my symptoms. They started dissapating  last week but even this past Saturday, while on our little weekend trip, my 20 minute hike to Yuba River may have triggered some major cramping later that night. I had to rush back to the hotel right after dinner with (Sergio's college friend and wife), take Ib Profrin and  curl up in a little ball on the bed. I am glad that I am finally starting to feel better.

Our weekend trip was awesome. We went to Grass Valley and Nevada City ( which about 6 minutes further). It is about a 3 hour drive from where we live in Newark. Just far enough to seem like somewhere foreign and not that far to drive. We spent half the day at The Yuba River, which was both our favorite part of our trip. 

The river was beautiful and we found a local's secret swimming hole that was somewhat secluded and full of water so clear that you could see the fishies swimming. It had a freezing cold waterfall which I dared Sergio to put his head in and a warm swimming area surrounded by subtle but strong water currents of the river. 

We usually like to go away every year on this weekend because  this time of year we hit some very personal and special anniversaries. This time we came back on those dates but nevertheless we were close. Eight years ago our baby girl Aya Imani Lopez was born on August 7, 2007 and she passed away on August 11. Her life on earth was only 5 days long and I cherished every moment I was able to hold her and take her home like every mother treasures. I am grateful for the time I had with her and grateful she is in a better place and not suffering in this life on earth with the disabilities she would of had. I am grateful to God, he knew what we could handle, what our marriage could handle and that we were able to survive a death of a child and still remain strong, faithful, and  hopeful for the future. Although it hasn't been an easy road, we are still fighting and haven't given up on our dreams of someday ( hopefully soon)  becoming parents again. 

Recently a  great  friend shared that she wished she could see my love for God again and  the more zealous person  I used to be before this tragedy hit my life. I told her that I will never be the same again because what has I have been through has changed me forever. My relationship with God is different, my view of life, my compassion for others and understanding has changed me forever. At times in the last eight years I have had a lot of grief but God has shaped me into a better more compassionate person from it. He has strengthened my faith through the many times it has been shipwrecked. 

So I dedicate this blog post in honor and memory of Aya, who forever changed our lives, whom we miss and still get sad about but will always live on in our memories. 

Lastly, I must update you on our egg retrieval outcome. Out of the 25 eggs I had, 16 that were fertilized and 6 embryos made it to day 6 and were able to be biopsied for the Pre Genetic Diagnosis/ Pre Genetic Screening testing. The doctor expected 40%-50% to make it to this blastocyte stage so I think it is a good number. It just seems so narrowed down from 25 eggs but this is the miracle that it takes for every baby to be made. Please pray for my 6 little embryos and that  when our  PGD test is made in 2-4 weeks they are able to accurately discriminate which embryos are affected with our genetic mutation and which ones are not. Please pray that we still have a good number of healthy embryos to implant for a healthy baby and hopefully some sibling(s). 

Post retrieval results!

So I'm at home today recovering from my egg retrieval procedure. I had my procedure on Wednesday and was feeling great Thursday but I think I over did it. I went for a  long walk with Brownie and went shopping. Today, I am bloated and cramping. The good news is, my doctor retrieved 25 eggs! This is an above average retrieval as he thought he was only going to get 15 eggs.  Yesterday I received a call to let me know that 15 of those eggs were fertilized. My doctor will email us on Tuesday to let us know how many of the 15 embryos made it to the blastocyst stage  ( day 6) in which they can biopsy.  We thank you for your prayers and continue to ask you to pray for healthy embryos for our family. It is exciting to finally be able to imagine us having a child. I am in awe and amazed by this.

For more info on egg retrieval and blastocyst biopsy please read: 

http://www.ivf.com/blastocyst.html

The big day

Tomorrow morning is the big day! All the shots have ended and we are ready for the egg retrieval at 9 am tomorrow morning! Please pray all will go well and smoothly. I am a little nervous, but also excited. I will be resting tomorrow but will send an update as soon as I can. 

Doll life

I went to my cousins baby shower on Saturday up in Gyserville and I had to post about it because it was the MOST beautiful baby shower I have ever been to... and I have been to a lot of baby showers. Sometimes baby showers can be very difficult for me to go to. I have skipped several in the last few years because the timing was around my miscarriages. I felt different at this one, I think it's because I have hope. I was inspired by my cousin and the beautiful atmosphere her friends and family created. My shower might not be that elaborate but I sure was taking some notes! 

Amazing house on a Sonoma County winery. I didn't get a pic but the view was incredible. 

These gorgeous flowers were everywhere. 

Decadent dessert table! 

My little cousin and I having some fun. 

Tables were set for a perfect tea party. 

Me being fabulous. 

The whole house looked like a doll house. 

So pretty and girlie. 

I 

First time I ever had prosciutto. It was delicious! 

Drooling over the cheese platter. 

Didn't try these oysters but they sure looked pretty. 

Day 10 "Climbing the mountain"

The last few days have been an adventure and I'm sorry I haven't been able to blog. The medicine in the injections is working and my follicles are growing and I am definitely getting tired and very bloated. Today we had a doctors appointment to check the size and how many etc. I have 19 follicles total, 9 on one side and 10 on the other and they measure about 14-16cm. At least two need to be 18cm to be ready for retrieval. So the good news is they are almost there! My doctor said I just need two more shots, tonight and tomorrow morning. Then I will take a trigger shot which will release my follicles and prepare me to have them retrieved on Wednesday! I'm excited and a little bit scared. Please pray for a smooth procedure and smooth egg fertilization and biopsy. Once my eggs are taken out of the follicle with a very small needle, they will fertilize them and see which ones grow to day five. Then those embryos will be biopsied and frozen. The biopsy will be sent to Detriot, Michigan to the lab where they will be tested with the probe for a single gene test  (they should be making now). My embryos will be frozen until we get test results and decide when to transfer them. I am feeling hopeful and pretty good emotionally, maybe a little extra sensitive. I'm sure my husband can attest to that. 

Besides the injections,  I am recovering from a crazy hike I decided to do last Thursday. Today is Sunday and I am still extreremly sore. My co worker and I planned to hike Mission  Peak! We were suppose to meet at Suju's coffee at 9am. I was running late and left my phone at my mother- in-laws the night before. Not good. I rushed over to Suju's and she was already gone. I drove like a maniac back to my mom in laws to get my phone and called  my co-worker.  I headed down to Mission Peak. My coworker had text me and in my rush and when I read it, it didn't sink in, "headed to Coyote Hills  instead."

I soon realized after calling again, I was at the wrong mountain! Although by that time it was 10 am, I decided to hike a little bit any way. I told myself just make it to the tree, to the bench, to the shade but before you know it I was half way there and was determined to finish. It was extremely hot and I was mildly cramping a little. Cramping can be a symptom from my medicines and I was putting myself through a strenuous hike. 

I learned lots of lessons along the way! I thought, if I can do this, I can do anything. I thought of this scripture along the way. "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13 NIV) I was determined to climb this mountain because God gave me the strength. 

Some other practical lessons Iearned were: 

1. Make it to the right park where your friends are. 

2. Leave a lot earlier to beat the heat. 

3. Make sure your cell phone is fully charged. 

Day 4

I decided that something I need to work on is having vision for having a family. Sergio and I have been married for

 eight years and for the first four years it's just been Sergio and I. Then our dog Brownie came into our life 4 years ago. Through the recent years what I have come to realize is that we are a family. Sergio, I and Brownie make a family. 

Having a baby would just be a really sweet addition. This is something that is still really hard to imagine what it would be like. 

 Shopping for baby shower is a great way to build vision. One of my cousins is pregnant and having her baby shower this coming weekend. She is going to make such a beautiful mom. 

My cousin was registered at a fabulous store I never even knew existed. Restoration Hardware for kids.

http://www.rhbabyandchild.com

Everything is so beautiful and vintage- looking! My cousin is having a girl so I had fun looking at the girl's nursery decor as it is so girly and delicate. I decided that shopping as if you're shopping for your own baby is one way to build vision for having your own baby, (but do make sure you have a budget!)

Day 3 late post from Saturday

We made it through a very long and fun day. Sergio gave me my morning shots and rushed off to a work appointment. I'm so grateful for him because I couldn't do this without him (literally). 

So today was the day I started 4 shots and boy does that second one, Fsh/hmg  sure sting! It's the worst! It feels like getting a wasp sting on your belly. ( not that I've had that happen before...) 

In the afternoon, we had the pleasure of going to my little cousins highschool graduation party and hang out with my cousins and their kids. 

My cousin's kids are the most adorable and cutest kids and I love to see them. I need to make sure I spend more time with them because we don't see eachother too often and the kids grow so fast. 

It's been hard to have vision about having my own kids for the past few years now. I couldn't even imagine having our own kids a few months ago. I think when you've been through a lot of loss, your heart and mind gets so discouraged, you can lose faith and vision. 

Sometimes, watching other peoples kids helps me to have that faith and hope for having our own. It's a moment to pretend. But then, you can give them back:) especially if they are fussy!

One of the best gifts was watching my lilttle cousin, who is not yet 2, outside the restaruant before we left. She picked flowers and threw them into a fountian. It was the cutest thing and she dropped the flowers in, she said "thank you." It's the best feeling to me, to be trusted to take care of someone else's kids, it feels like a privilege.  The moments I get to share with other peoples kids are so special and helps me to have vision for the very exciting future...❤️❤️️👍

Day 2

Okay, did I say the shots didn't hurt? I take that back. My right side shot hurts more than my left and I am freaking out with anxiety before Sergio gives me one. I can feel the needle go in and I am not able to think of my happy place (visualization of something really happy or calming to get you through the moment of fear) while getting the shot and it is making the experience very miserable. Not that I should expect belly shots to be fun, but at least not full of anxiety. Sorry, to those who are diabetics and who have to do this everyday, if I am complaining. Please pray that I can handle this part and that I don't  quit. I forgot to mention that part of this blog is also to ask you to pray for us as we go through the process and keep you updated so you know what to pray for. Please forgive me if I ramble or have poor grammar or spelling. Although I am a teacher, I am not the best writer but I would love to improve. I start four shots a day tomorrow and I just don't know if I can handle it. I will reveal my happy place in a picture so I can get back to visualizing it during the shots. 

This is me petting Sergio's cousins horse, Lelody, which was so exciting to me. Something about horses are so serene and calming to me. I need to go back and pet her again or find a random horse so I can find my happy place again. 

Our Journey

I am writing this blog to journal and document our journey through IVF, prior and beyond. I hope to let you into our lives, through the ups and downs and share our bundle of joy we hope to have in the end!

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's  Spirit is right alongside helping us along." Romans 8:26-28 The Message

Day 1 and about 15 more to go..

           We started Day One of our injections today and I am able to write to tell you that, "I survived!" The Lupron shot I started today will be twice a day in the stomach, in the morning and night. I know millions of women undergo IVF and do their injections themselves but I am probably the most squeamish when it comes to needles. I cannot look when getting blood drawn. My stomach literally drops when I see blood or think about injuries involving blood. THANK GOD my husband Sergio is willing to give me the injections and did quite a good job today. After trying to decipher if I should sit, stand or lie down, I finally lay on the couch where there was the most adequate light and Sergio,  when right about to poke me, I yell out S***! I cussed, out of pure fear and then I said "Sorry" to God and "I can't do this "all in one breath. Before you know, it was over.

The Lupron injection didn't hurt really at all. It's "all in the mind" for this injection and seeing the needle,  only a 1/2 inch diabetes needle, I still must think of my happy place during each one. On Sat I start the FSH/HMG shot which I have to mix myself from powder into liquid in a huge 1 1/2 inch needle then change the needle to 1/2 inch. That should be "fun" (sarcasm)... I hope it will get easier as we go. By Saturday, I will be taking 4 shots daily.  By July 25th, I should have had 33 injections. My doctor will then check my levels to see if I'm ready for a trigger shot to release the eggs or if I need more time. All these meds  are basically preparing my body for a lot of follicles to grow rapidly as well as to prevent ovulation too early.

Our egg retrieval is scheduled  any time between the week of July 29-August 1st. After the eggs are retrieved, they will be fertilized and encouraged to grow for 5 days. The embryos that make it to this stage will be biopsied and sent to a lab in Detroit, Michigan for a specific gene testing (PGD). This is an amazing new science where a specific probe is being created right now from our previous daughter's ( will share Aya's story later)  amniotic fluid. This is amazing that our daughter who passed away from this genetic disorder will be used to  help us build our family!